Tips for Properly Inserting a USB Cable. Mcsweeney’s, January 2016

I Left My Umbrella on the Other Side of this Intergalactic Portal and I’d Really Like to Get it Back. The Higgs Weldon, January 2016

Stand Back, Doors Closing. Janice Mag, January 2016

Flattering Names I’ve Been Called In Emails That Go to My Spam Folder. The Higgs Weldon, October 2015

Oral History of a Sandwich. Splitsider, July 2015

I Must Protect My Brand. Hot Hot Phone, February 2015

The Bean Salad Recipe Book. Splitsider, January 2015

Welcome to Badass Bistro. Hot Hot Phone, October 2014

I Apologize for Your Negative Hotel Experience. Splitsider, September 2014

I’m Going To Kill Hitler. The Big Jewel, September 2014

Dating Tips for Twentysomethings in a Nuclear Apocalypse. Splitsider, May 2014

The Sirens’ Performance Review. McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, March 2014

Five Showrunners Who Should Take Over ‘The Walking Dead.’, July 2011

10 Things We Expect from Season Four of ‘Jersey Shore.’, July 2011.